A pretty laid back life with interesting moments when I want it. A spacious apartment that provides cleanliness and health for my kid and I.
My room has a view of a great big tree that dances in the wind ever so often. It is magical to watch. I love the space and the natural light especially from the double doors downstairs that give the place a ‘villa’ appearance. I love seeing Othneil slide down the banister and think to myself that he’s having a naturally healthy childhood. I love being able to provide private school education for him. It fills me with a sense of accomplishment as I have in earlier years intended this for him.
He passed his neurology test with flying colors after surviving several febrile seizures. For this I am extremely grateful. He expresses himself beautifully, is very intelligent and asks probing Aquarian-like (stellium in Aquarius) questions. I appreciate him as a person and very grateful for him being in my life.
Today, I’m grateful just for being able to see beautiful things. We went to Montego Bay and came home safely; incident free. I am grateful for that. I’m grateful for friends.
I learn a lot each day, now that I have stepped out of my comfort zone. I’ve lost material things but I have gained priceless things. Learned that my obsession with self reliance is unhealthy. My drive for perfectionism is killing me. That it’s OK to make mistakes, to fumble, to be wrong about something, to not know, to regret, to misjudge. Its OK to be human.
It is human to fall in love,sometimes with a Mr. Wrong, to get hurt, to cry on the floor of your bathroom at 2 am when his Facebook timeline reveals that he has a girlfriend. Okay.. That’s maybe not so normal but *clears throat*, moving on…
It is OK to be scared, to be worried about people you love, to feel lonely, sad, indecisive. It is all a part of the experience- things I would usually resist experiencing out of trying to be strong and untouchable. It OK to be touchable (just not physically, by just anyone). I can break, down, way down until I need the help of others to lift me back up.
Optimism doesn’t ensure success but it protects inner peace in the midst of whatever is happening and helps me focus on what I do have.