Among the endless pieces written concerning singledom, I knew I had to find out; to make sure it wasn’t all in my head. Ensure that it wasn’t just some bitter rant to justify being alone. I had to know for sure if I was inherently okay alone and not currently meant for traditional ‘coupledom’. I admit it would be fun to find a kindred spirit. Oh, the adventures we would have but I am not and will never be a settler, so if he doesn’t magically show up, I prefer my own company thank you very much…
It is Magic that she wants, yes Magic. “I am fabulous yet the best parts of me are unseen”
I’ve just been toying around with the notion that maybe I was meant to be single and maybe, just maybe, that was okay. How I arrived at this? An article (of course) that listed some amazing stuff about not being tied to another human being. Here are my exaggerated and personalized items from the list that really hit it off with me:
- I am not very good at compromise. Sure I can pretend to be okay with how you do it, but my OCD will eat away at me on the inside until I HAVE to fix it my way. I am very particular about little things. Especially things pertaining to my bathroom and kitchen and any other hygienic requiring surface in my home – Yes, I’m Virgo.
- I hate the act of sleeping with another person. My bed is my bed and I am barely tolerating Oth (my son) as it is – hence the recent move of his bed into my room so he can relocate there nocturnally. Like the average woman, I suppose the act of cuddling isn’t completely offensive – especially if it leads to great sex but… all night?… aaaalll night, in my bed – sweatily snoring or dead weight of a limb – umm, not cool – very particular about space.
- My space should be arranged and decorated just how I want it and I find it difficult to tolerate mess that’s not mine – selfish sure, but that’s just me. Funny, as I write this I can recall everything that annoyed me from being coupled. Why would I want that again? Because society has convinced me it is sought after and esteemed or do I inherently want one partner for the rest of my life? Hashtag. OCD. Problems.
- I enjoy my own creative company and mostly I crave the presence of a significant other for practical reasons not romantic ones – tired of forgetting to service my car, making huge decisions (leave the job or nah), fixing a light or even calling the electrician – guy stuff. Taking out garbage, de-clogging the drain. All things that need to be done right this minute, actually. Feeling safe. That’s a huge one. My longings are usually practical. Having someone to trust with my financial pursuits due to having a vested interest.
- I hate using the bathroom right after someone else has used it or hurrying to get out because someone else needs it. I will not cook if I don’t feel like it and as a Jamaican woman that’s like an unspoken requirement of coupledom. In fact I hate doing anything I don’t feel like – sex, cuddling, cleaning…. Just about anything out of obligation.
- OH!!! Probably my biggest – I hate obligations to in-laws. Some magical guy would have to have a family I really click with – hard to find with my peculiarities. Ugh. Just too much work. I sound mean, I know but maybe some people really are not meant for this major adjusting, compromising, and pretending aspect of permanent relationships.
I’d have hoped that as every other aspect of our existence evolves, that comitted relationships would have caught up. Sigh
Anything that steals my creative space and freedom and my way of expressing myself to the universe through sharing love and compassion is a no-no in my book and until our ideas of committed relationships evolve, I believe I am better off single. I am not comfortable with the idea of being a possession. That irks me. Maybe a long distance, on again, off again open relationship would be more my thing.
This article at some point sounded a tad self centered, but no less clingy and desperate than an article on why I should have a boyfriend; which I’m sure may or may not be written at some point. For now, I’m completely comfortable being happily unhinged.